Month: July 2007

The arrest of Chris Gore this week in a Prius reminded me of a TV commercial idea I had two years ago:

We open on a Prius zipping along, and the driver hear sirens. He looks in the rearview mirror– it’s a cop. The Prius and cop pull over, and the cop gets out of the car and heads over. The cop pokes his head in the driver window.

COP: “You were doing 85 miles an hour in a hybrid car, and there’s not a judge in the state who’ll believe me. Now get out of here and stop speeding.”

The driver starts the Prius and drives off, carefully but smiling.

VOICEOVER: The Toyota Prius. Good for the environment, and good for your wallet. In more ways than one.

Officer walks back to his car and tries to start it, but the engine won’t turn over. The gas tank reads “Empty”.

COP: “Ahhhhh, nuts.”

VOICEOVER: Did we mention it gets fifty-four miles to the gallon?

So after a rough volleyball game, I noticed some extra bruising on my hands, etc. I went to Google and typed in “minimize bruises”. The first half-dozen links or so were indeed tips on minimizing bruising… but they were all BDSM community sites.

How can you not love a page which starts with “Since we are in the middle of the swimsuit season, how can one minimize bruising after s/m play, so as not to wreak havoc at the beach?”

Ah, the voices of experience.

Quoting in part:

…He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance….

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people…

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

For any George who believes he possesses the divine right of kings. Now hang on for the fireworks.