Glenn Hauman: A View From Above

Polite Fiction:

I got this email a while back promising a nice sum of money if I just helped this Nigerian government official move his inheritance to an American bank and to make a long story short, it hasn't worked out so well for me money-wise.

So my neighbor Brett said I told you so, I told you if you believe this guy you'll be wasting your money.

And I said back no way, dude! I did not waste that money! To say the money was wasted is an insult to the money, which had nothing to do with the decision that resulted in its loss! I demand you apologize for denigrating innocent money I said, emphatically.

Fortunately, Brett did the right thing. You're right, man, he said, the money wasn't wasted. It was sacrificed. That's completely different! I'm, like, totally sorry I said wasted just because it was such a grievous price to pay for such a stupid mistake.

And I said OK then, I accept your apology on behalf of the lost money. Just remember! Money only follows orders. Money does not make policy. Therefore, money is never wasted. QED, dude.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go send Mr. Abacha one more check.

(Via Busy, Busy, Busy.)

All that stuff the elders said about rock and roll? They pretty much nailed it. Miscegenation, teenagers running wild, the end of marriage!
--Clay Shirky, quoted in New York magazine

Love does not heal all. Sometimes it takes antibiotics.

Did Britney do it so the drapes would match the carpet?

UPDATE: Thanks, Elayne. Loooong day.

"Whenever I Leave You", from the Harris Papyrus, 500 Song Cycle 2, 15th Century BCE, Egypt.

Whenever I leave you, I go out of breath
Death must be lonely like I am
I dream lying dreams of your love lost
And my heart stands still inside me
I stare at my favorite datecakes
They would be salt to me now
And pomegranate wine, once sweet to our lips
Bitter, bitter as birdgall


Touching noses with you, love, your kiss alone
And my stuttering heart speaks clear
Breathe me more of your breath, let me live!
Woman, meant for me!
God himself gave you as his Holy gift
My love to outlast forever

Congratulations, Tia and Jet, on a wedding with no casualties and only one major injury. I'll email you my toast, you'll have it by the time you get back from your honeymoon.

You read a few articles about ComicMix and you get all whispery.

"What are they doing over there?"

"Is it just a news site? If so, why are so many comics creators like Mike Gold and Dennis O'Neil and John Ostrander mentioned?"

"It's not just writers, that first column by Gold mentions a lot of artists too, guys like Truman and Gibson, Grell and Von Eeden -- jeez, even Skip Williamson and Jay Lynch!"

"Are they going to be publishing comics?"

"What? What? WHAT???"

"Hey, I've seen that Hauman guy's blog... maybe he said something there!"

And so you find your way here, perusing over old posts, seeing if there's anything I hinted at or some such.

Nope, not me. I ain't talking. Go run a search on the other folks involved, maybe you'll have better luck. (Hmm. This guy already did research on Brian. Smart thinking.)

It's not that I don't want to talk about what we're up to -- you know me, occasionally I'll say the wrong thing, or say something I ought not to, so coming here wasn't a bad idea. But mainly, it's just because I'm too dang busy. This startup is time consuming, and I've got a lot of work to do here -- blog entries to write and edit, photos to take, images to scan, artwork to color, and anything else that hasn't been covered.

All I'll say is: The crew we've assembled is not noted for being timid or for hewing to the status quo.

I feel really sorry for anyone who just spent a few thousand dollars on a new HD TV just in time for the game just so they could watch all the raindrops on the camera lenses.

And we're losing.

Saudis reportedly funding Iraqi Sunni insurgents:

CAIRO (AP) %u2014 Private Saudi citizens are giving millions of dollars to Sunni insurgents in Iraq and much of the money is used to buy weapons, including shoulder fired anti-aircraft missiles, according to key Iraqi officials and others familiar with the flow of cash.[...]

In one recent case, an Iraqi official said $25 million in Saudi money went to a top Iraqi Sunni cleric and was used to buy weapons, including Strela, a Russian shoulder-fired anti-aircraft missile. The missiles were purchased from someone in Romania, apparently through the black market, he said.

(Via TPM.)

$25 million. That's the same money we offered for Hussein's head, the top guy in Iraq; and what we were offering for a long time for Osama (it was doubled to $50 million in 2005).

And some folks were happy to pony up the same amount of money to shoot at Shia and US forces, cash upfront, with no guarantee of success, just the hope you'd get maybe a hundred or so men and take out a decent number of helicopters.

I say we up our bid, taking the balance out of Halliburton's hide. They overcharged us, we take it back.

I swear, this place is possessed. There are days I think I should just start a new blog and be done with it...

This is surprisingly good news:

Bypassing the Legislature altogether, Republican Gov. Rick Perry issued an order Friday making Texas the first state to require that schoolgirls get vaccinated against the sexually transmitted virus that causes cervical cancer.

I applaud Rick Perry for taking this step to wipe out a killer disease.

No, I'm not talking about the blog outage from my upstream provider a few hours ago. I'm talking about this:



Go ahead, use it and see for yourself. Apparently, I don't exist, but am simply a metaphor in the mind of God. Who might not exist either, which means I'm really screwed.

It also seems my parents don't exist either. Somebody's being very thorough with that time machine, making sure I'm not around. I wonder why?

Because it's really the Green Hornet's birthday.

Today, January 31, is the day that the "Green Hornet" radio show was first heard on WXYZ Radio in Detroit, way back in 1936. The Gorilla Suit lobby is merely trying to piggyback on this sacred holiday.

So happy 71st, big guy. Here's hoping that Kevin Smith will have the Green Hornet screenplay done in time for the hundreth anniversary.

Just call me Fester Bestertester, I'm not participating. I know that it's all a scam by the Acme Gorilla Suit Company and the Ajax Gorilla Suit Company to sell more of their products, and I'm too busy prepping for Groundhog Day.

Ain't going to do it. Wouldn't be prudent. Steadfast, that's me.

What am I talking about? Why, National Gorilla Suit Day, of course!

But don't fall for it! No matter how many of those big pleading eyes look at you, no matter how many bananas they offer, do not celebrate National Gorilla Suit Day! Don't acknowledge it, don't get drunk and party, and certainly don't put up banners celebrating it like these...



...no matter how desperate you are to get traffic from Mark Evanier.

Ask the New York Times:

Stephen King's Midnight Madness

Every week comic book fans look forward to Wednesdays, the day new issues go on sale. On Feb. 7, one of those comics will be the first issue of a new seven-part series based on the Stephen King novel "The Dark Tower," above, from Marvel Entertainment. To commemorate the event, almost 150 comic book retailers across the country will begin selling the issue at the stroke of midnight. A list of participating stores can be found at www.marvel.com/news/comicstories. Fans who flock to Midtown Comics in Manhattan will see a couple of special guests: Peter David, who writes the dialogue for the series, and Jae Lee, the book's artist. The store will open for one hour.

GEORGE GENE GUSTINES

That's what George W. Bush proposed spending tonight in the State of the Union. Where? He said he wanted to double the size of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. Here's the math:

The current SPR holds 727 million barrels. Multiply that by the current price of oil, $55/barrel, and let's add a $7/barrel surcharge because of the newly increased demand, increasing scarcity, and other fun shocks. That's $45 billion going to oil companies.

One last payoff to his buddies in the bidness while he's still got the chance.