Glenn Hauman: A View From Above

I swear, this place is possessed. There are days I think I should just start a new blog and be done with it...

This is surprisingly good news:

Bypassing the Legislature altogether, Republican Gov. Rick Perry issued an order Friday making Texas the first state to require that schoolgirls get vaccinated against the sexually transmitted virus that causes cervical cancer.

I applaud Rick Perry for taking this step to wipe out a killer disease.

No, I'm not talking about the blog outage from my upstream provider a few hours ago. I'm talking about this:



Go ahead, use it and see for yourself. Apparently, I don't exist, but am simply a metaphor in the mind of God. Who might not exist either, which means I'm really screwed.

It also seems my parents don't exist either. Somebody's being very thorough with that time machine, making sure I'm not around. I wonder why?

Because it's really the Green Hornet's birthday.

Today, January 31, is the day that the "Green Hornet" radio show was first heard on WXYZ Radio in Detroit, way back in 1936. The Gorilla Suit lobby is merely trying to piggyback on this sacred holiday.

So happy 71st, big guy. Here's hoping that Kevin Smith will have the Green Hornet screenplay done in time for the hundreth anniversary.

Just call me Fester Bestertester, I'm not participating. I know that it's all a scam by the Acme Gorilla Suit Company and the Ajax Gorilla Suit Company to sell more of their products, and I'm too busy prepping for Groundhog Day.

Ain't going to do it. Wouldn't be prudent. Steadfast, that's me.

What am I talking about? Why, National Gorilla Suit Day, of course!

But don't fall for it! No matter how many of those big pleading eyes look at you, no matter how many bananas they offer, do not celebrate National Gorilla Suit Day! Don't acknowledge it, don't get drunk and party, and certainly don't put up banners celebrating it like these...



...no matter how desperate you are to get traffic from Mark Evanier.

Ask the New York Times:

Stephen King's Midnight Madness

Every week comic book fans look forward to Wednesdays, the day new issues go on sale. On Feb. 7, one of those comics will be the first issue of a new seven-part series based on the Stephen King novel "The Dark Tower," above, from Marvel Entertainment. To commemorate the event, almost 150 comic book retailers across the country will begin selling the issue at the stroke of midnight. A list of participating stores can be found at www.marvel.com/news/comicstories. Fans who flock to Midtown Comics in Manhattan will see a couple of special guests: Peter David, who writes the dialogue for the series, and Jae Lee, the book's artist. The store will open for one hour.

GEORGE GENE GUSTINES

That's what George W. Bush proposed spending tonight in the State of the Union. Where? He said he wanted to double the size of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. Here's the math:

The current SPR holds 727 million barrels. Multiply that by the current price of oil, $55/barrel, and let's add a $7/barrel surcharge because of the newly increased demand, increasing scarcity, and other fun shocks. That's $45 billion going to oil companies.

One last payoff to his buddies in the bidness while he's still got the chance.

Oh, and Rich Little will be there too. Take it away, Mark:

As mentioned in a recent link here, the White House Correspondents Association has selected Rich Little as the entertainer at their 2007 dinner. Here's part of this article about it...

Rich Little won't be mentioning Iraq or ratings when he addresses the White House Correspondents' Dinner April 21. Little said organizers of the event made it clear they don't want a repeat of last year's controversial appearance by Stephen Colbert, whose searing satire of President Bush and the White House press corps fell flat and apparently touched too many nerves. "They got a lot of letters," Little said Tuesday. "I won't even mention the word 'Iraq.'"

Little, who hasn't been to the White House since he was a favorite of the Reagan administration, said he'll stick with his usual schtick — the impersonations of the past six presidents. "They don't want anyone knocking the president. He's really over the coals right now, and he's worried about his legacy," added Little, a longtime Las Vegas resident.

...Of course, if Rich Little has any guts at all, he'll get up there and say, "Thank you. I'd like to start with my newest impression...Stephen Colbert!" That would make for quite an evening.

(Via news from me.)

Day 7: Jack Bauer goes to the bathroom, has three solid meals, and gets a good nine hours of sleep after working on various hobbies and home improvement projects all day, having turned off his magic cell phone and gotten a restraining order against Chloe, Kim, anyone else from CTU, and anyone named Palmer.

Because, of course, on the seventh day, he rested.

Stolen with a complete lack of shame from Tom Galloway. More takes on 24 can be found here, here (see, he did have enough popularity!) and here.

This zen question was first posed to me by the great Robert Anton Wilson, to whom we must now append the prefix "late".

I had the privilege of hosting and introducing him at a lecture at NYU back in May of 1990, a lecture entitled "From Psychedelics to Cyberspace" which was noteworthy for being the first public demonstration of VR technology east of the Rockies. Being able to converse, before and after the show, with him and Timothy Leary was a truly unique experience.

I'm sad, in a way, that he didn't live long enough to the movie "The Number 23", but I will happily note that he passed away on 1/11-- which, of course, if you add 1+1, gives you 2, and if you add 1+1+1, you get 3. 23. Of course.

Hail Eris. All Hail Discordia.

...and then listening to the pundit's talking about doubling his bet, I realized what we actually have is a President who's actually dumb enough to be using a Martingale system, because he thinks that he has the infinite wealth required to make a Martingale work.

Except, of course, that the odds aren't in his favor, and the dead soldiers and their families have no way to recoup their losses. But those losses aren't Bush's losses.

"We're not making a sacrifice. Jesus, you've seen this war. We are the sacrifice." --Ulster regiment, marching toward the Somme, World War I

Let Bush actually sacrifice something himself before he asks it of others.

Keith Olbermann has much, much more:

If in your presence an individual tried to sacrifice an American serviceman or woman, would you intervene?

Would you at least protest?

What if he had already sacrificed 3,003 of them?

What if he had already sacrificed 3,003 of them — and was then to announce his intention to sacrifice hundreds, maybe thousands, more?

And even more from Steve Gilliard:

George Bush is in no position to ask for sacrifice from ANYONE.

He told people to go shopping after 9/11. Now he wants sacrifice? From whom? The survivors of Iraq? The Iraqi people?

We're all fucking sacrificed out. Teenagers look like horror show freaks because an IED burned them up. What more can they give?

His daughters whore around Argentina and he thinks no one notices? He wants some poor kid from Wal Mart to do another tour?

I think we have sacrificed quiet enough for Bush's Colonial War. Send his fucking daughters and the rest of the Bush brood for his attempt to save his ego.

Sacrifice?

Hmmm, let's start with the Iraqi mother who's son was snatched up from a hospital and killed for being the wrong religion. I think she's sacrificed a great deal for this war.

Or we can walk around Walter Reed's neurology ward, where they're building plastic skulls for the wounded.

Maybe we can ask a nurse on the flight from Balad to Rhein Main about sacrifice.

Maybe we can ask the survivors of Haditha about sacrifice.

And since no one talks to them, why not ask some grunts about sacrifice. I mean, they're the ones watching their friends die. Iraqi, American, I think both have sacrificed enough for Bush's war.

I think of the Shia women crying on caskets as their children are given a quick burial. Or the mothers who get the phone call, which reads US Government, and the next thing she knows, she's flying to Germany to see what's left of her child.

Iraq has created a great deal of sacrifice, for many people.

Except one group:

Bush and his friends. He should take those fat, cheetos eating fucks at the think tanks and ship their asses overseas. Let Cliff May run a convoy and have Max Boot drive. Let Goldberg man the .50.

Let those useless motherfuckers sacrifice more than their filthy fucking mouths. Let them do what they ask of others and then denigrate.

Bush must be in a Potemkin Village to think he can ask for sacrifice. Sacrifice? Him and metal heart Cheney did everything but ask for sacrifice. He has no standing to ask for sacrifice. He pissed that away with his tax cuts.

What a sad little man we have running this country. Sacrifice. What the fuck does George Bush know about sacrifice? He's never sacrificed a fucking thing in his miserable life.

Instead of your usual idiotic blathering putting words into e-e-e-vil liberals mouths, why don't you resolve to stop driving drunk, particularly after a New Year's Eve celebration. Or would that impair your stand of fierce individuality, or hamper your ability to make Kennedy jokes? No, much better to get impaired yourself.

(Sorry. Turned off The 40-Year Old Virgin last night after the first half hour, because there just isn't that much funny about drunk drivers. Tinsley's hypocrisy pushed me over the edge.)

For the rest of you out there, have a safe and happy new year.

Apple - Trailers - Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer - July 15, 2007 - Teaser Trailer

Now this is what we were hoping for. Pay no attention to the fact that they fly into and out of the Jersey side of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Seems that old-time NY Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno is up to his bellybutton in hot water, and that a lot of it has to do with horse racing and trying to take over the contract from NYRA when it expires at the end of 2007.

I'm behind on this scandal, but I want to get a few links down for future reading before I forget. It's all going behind the fold, feel free to read on if you're curious.

A quick glance, however, suggests the following: There are three consortiums that are looking to take over the franchise: NYRA, which already has the franchise, but filed for bankruptcy protection earlier this year; Excelsior, which has been selected by a state government committee in a non-binding decision but may have members that are prohibited from taking it; and Empire, which now has some serious questions about whether Bruno greased the wheels to help a founding investor.

Bruno, BTW, would have a major role in awarding the franchise, along with Assembly speaker Sheldon Silver and Governor-elect Eliot Spitzer. One Excelsior partner, casino developer Richard Fields, has close political ties to Spitzer. And as long as we're disclosing ties, my father co-owns some racehorses with Barry Schwartz, who ran NYRA for several years.

Place your bets, folks. And expect some bumping at the gate.