The Parable of Casting Bread Upon the Brook

Found this while rooting through my files, from a very old post on GEnie, and this date is appropriate to post a story about the munchies. Enjoy.

Scriptures from the First Amalgamted Church Of JMS, Book Of Joe:

THE PARABLE OF CASTING BREAD UPON THE BROOK

1. And The Great Maker did travel to the Brook as a guest of honor of I-Con.

2. And he was obliged to go to the I-Con banquet, in the Student Union of the University at Stony Brook, for he was to be honored there.

3. But the forces of darkness did congeal around the buffet table, so none could pass and eat.

4. And after an hour of waiting for food, it was as the Bataan Death March in the Student Union Ballroom.

5. And Joe did realize,
  "Wait! We’re in the Student Union! There’s food right outside those doors!"

6. And Joe did walk outside the hall, and promptly returneth with two pizzas to the table of honor. And the multitudes did give him a standing ovation.

7. And Joe did eat, and Kathryn did eat, and Julie and Susan and Rene and Peter did eat, and Harlan did nibble a little, and yea, even little Ariel did eat, though she got tomato sauce on her cheek.

8. And the buffet workers did see this, and realized they had best get their act together, and five minutes later they did start to feed the multitudes.

9. And it chanced that the line to feed the multitudes did wind its way past Joe’s table, and supplicants did ask Joe,
   "Hey, man, you bring enough for everybody?"

10. And after the sixth time he was asked, Joe did realize that the wiseasses, obnoxious as they were, had a point. For it is written that the closer you get to heaven, the harder it is to share it.

11. And Joe did venture back to the pizza place, and asked for fifteen more pizzas. And the pizza boy was so stunned by the brilliance of Joe and his request to be part of the miracle, he did faint dead away.

12. And Joe did go to the deli instead and bought up all the single packs of Oreos and Swiss Cookies and yea, even the Mini Chips Ahoys, numbering eight score and fifteen. And he did borrow the basket that they were displayed in, to give to the tables as a sower spreads seeds.

13. And he did return to the banquet and travelled from table to table and did give of the wafers as an oversized demented Easter Bunny running on a DDD Energizer battery, saying "This is my gift." And the masses did partake of his gift and got massive sugar rushes, which enabled them to survive the rest of the ceremony.

14. And the next day he did preach of his lesson, as an example of creating a random act of magic. And the audience saw that by casting bread upon the Brook, they would return a hundredfold in tasty little bite-size morsels.

15. And those in the audience who had kept hold of the wafers for fear that if they ate them the miracle of the transubstantiation would mean they’d be swallowing some part of Joe they’d rather not think about, did produce them to testify to the truth of the parable and show the unbelievers.

16. And The Great Maker did look at the nearest disciple who proffered the manna and spake unto him,
    "I’m not going to autograph those cookies."

17. And the disciple did leave and turn to his electrical scribe to record the parable, for it is also written that every man has his disciples– and it is always Judas who writes the biography.

Here endeth the lesson.