Author: Glenn Hauman

What the world needs more of

In reply to a homophobic rant on Star Trek, I came across this. I love the concept, but man– don’t I have enough paperwork to ignore?


Zang Industries Inc. Standardized Idiot Response Form #334225-R

Dear:
[ ] Idiot [ ] 3L33T D00D [ ] Spammer
[X] Loser [ ] Religious Nut [ ] Clueless Newbie
[ ] Whiner [ ] Kook [ ] Pre-teen
[X] Asshole [ ] Yuppie [ ] Marketroid
[ ] Management Baboon [ ] Racist [X] Other: _Homophobic Bigot_

I took exception to your recent
[X] post/spam to _rec.arts.startrek.current_
[ ] email.

It was (check all that apply):
[X] lame.
[X] stupid.
[X] ignorant.
[ ] much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you
may be capable.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
[ ] You started a long, stupid thread
[ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread
[ ] You crossposted a long, stupid thread
[ ] You are the subject of a long, stupid thread
[X] What you posted has been done before.
[X] Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
[ ] You made a ridiculously off topic post to a newsgroup.
[ ] You made a ridiculously off topic post to numerous news groups.
[X] Your post, though on-topic, lacked even the coherency of a chimp
banging randomly on a keyboard.
[ ] You broke Godwin's Law (USENET RULE #6) by invoking Hitler or
the Nazi's
[ ] But you failed to acknowledge the subsequent death of
the thread.
[ ] You obviously don't know how to read your newsgroups line.
[ ] You self-rightously impose your religious beliefs on others.
[ ] You posted asking for Warez sites.
[ ] You posted a "Check out my Web Page" article.
[ ] Off-topic.
[ ] And it sucked.
[ ] Your post originated from ix.netcom.com
[ ] Your post originated from compuserve.com
[ ] Your post originated from aol.com/aol.net.
[ ] Your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS,
Notesfile or echo.
[ ] Your post contained commercial advertising.
[ ] The advertising was for a web page.
[ ] The advertisemet was for MAKE.MONEY.FAST
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please send money order immediately to:
Usenet News Network Security & Standards Patrol
PO Box 33486
Bueno Punte, Brazil 44504-5565
or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
[X] Your post contained spelling errors.
[X] Your post contained grammatical errors.
[ ] Your post made use of eLiTe CaPiTaLiZaTiOn, which you think is
cool.
[ ] You posted SCREAMING in RANDOM CAPS for NO APPARENT REASON.
[X] Your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
[ ] Your margin settings (or lack of) make your post unreadable.
[ ] Your post contained the word(s)/phrase(s):
(Check all that apply)
[ ] Surf the Net
[ ] Surf the Web
[ ] Hacker
[ ] Warez
[ ] Cyber_______ (insert suffix here)
[ ] Information Superhighway
[ ] \C\a\b\a\l
[ ] You posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
[ ] Your post was an obvious forgery.
[ ] It was done clumsily.
[ ] And was easily traceable.
[X] You have a lame login name.
[ ] Your machine has a stupid name.
[ ] You quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
[ ] You followed-up with only "Me, too!!!" added.
[ ] you also quoted the entire original message.
[ ] You predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
[ ] You asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group".
[ ] You flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
[ ] You flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
[ ] You failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
[ ] And it included misc.test
[ ] Your .sig is ridiculous because
[ ] You write it by hand every time.
[ ] Your .sig is longer than 6 lines.
[ ] And your newsreader truncated it.
[ ] You listed ___ snail mail address(es).
[ ] You listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in
prank calls.
[ ] It was listed twice because of your inability to configure
your newsreader.
[ ] You included a stupid disclaimer.
[ ] your pathetic attempt at being witty in the
disclaimer failed.
[ ] Miserably.
[ ] your .sig should make your company disclaim YOU.
[ ] You included:
(Mark all that apply)
[ ] a Bible quote
[ ] more than one
[ ] a stupid self-quote.
[ ] a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
[ ] any reference to any TV talk show host.
[ ] a set of instructions for something as stupid as
your post.
[ ] any reference to Team OS/2 or Win9x
[ ] lame ASCII graphics.
[ ] Your USENET posting/email contained HTML tags.
[ ] And you think this makes you cool.
[ ] And they were incorrect.
[X] You have offended the Dark Lord Satan.
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally
worthless that you are being flamed anyway.
 Continue reading What the world needs more of

More on remembering 9/11

Kevin Hayden at the american street: Thinking the Nine-Eleven Clueless Blues shows he is a serious man:

Mr. Bush, we haven’t forgotten. Almost every day, we are reminded of it. When I hear ‘Bin Laden’, I think of it. Or Al Qaida. Or terrorist, or Pakistan, or Afghanistan, or Saudi Arabia. Words like ‘homeland’ and ‘alert’ and ‘casualty’ and ‘casket’ make me remember. ‘Troops’ and ‘airports’ and ‘WMDs’ make it seem as fresh as yesterday. But my thoughts don’t jump from there to ‘faith, family and steady leadership.’

Instead, I wonder why it happened, why the intel failed, how a country that held off the Soviets and spent billions on Star Wars couldn’t stop a plane from hitting the Pentagon. I wonder why our ports are not fully protected yet; it’s been two and a half years. I wonder why no one’s been held accountable for anything. I wonder why the Rudman-Hart Homeland Security report has not been implemented; the part about the need for science and math teachers has been completely ignored. I wonder about troops lacking bulletproof vests. I wonder about leaders who set records for vacations claiming their leadership is steady. I wonder why footage of the handling of the dead at 9-11 is in your campaign ads while your Pentagon has ordered that no soldiers’ caskets can be photographed at all.

I wonder why the plots of domestic terrorists are barely being covered by our press. I wonder how your aide can say we need to remember and assume we forgot.

What he said.

A time for serious men

According to this, “Two-thirds of Americans think about 9/11 less than once a day, marking a sharp decline in preoccupation with the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, according to a new poll.”

Of course, that means that one third of us still do.

It’s tough for me not to– I have a window in my apartment that looks to lower Manhattan. I look at the skyline, I see the hole. And I may always see it.

In a way, I hope that I do keep thinking about it. It should be a reminder of the stakes we all play for now– the stakes we were always playing for, but forgot about.

“This is a country made up of people with hard jobs that they’re terrified of losing. The roots of freedom are of little or no interest to them at the moment. We are a nation afraid to go out at night. We’re a society that has assigned low priority to education and has looked the other way while our public schools have been decimated. We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious men to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, friend, I promise you, Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things and two things only: Making you afraid of it and telling you who’s to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle-aged, middle-class, middle- income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family and American values and personal character… This is a time for serious men, Bob, and your fifteen minutes are up. My name’s Andrew Shepherd, and I am the President.”

–Aaron Sorkin, The American President

Persecution, Complex

Lydia Nickerson, commenting on Electrolite: Our vigilant representatives, gives the best explanation of why some folks mean when they say they feel persecuted:

They mean that living in the secular world is a persecution. Every time a co-workeer swears, they are being persecuted by having to listen to such language. Every time the corporate picnic starts without grace being said over the food is a persecution. If the company Christmas party serves alcohol, then they cannot attend, and so are persecuted twice.

Television persecutes them. It’s not the watching of it that constitutes the persecution, but the fact that television broadcasts things of which they disapprove. They are persecuted in the schools because there is no prayer and because science is taught while the Bible (their particular interpretation) is not taught. They are constantly oppressed everywhere by our cultural belief that it is possible to be a good person without ascribing to their particular dogma regarding sin and salvation. Comparative religion courses are the devil’s own tool.

Asked the right questions, and a member of the RPCNA will tell you that what is necessary is a theocracy. My mother, for instance, will not vote for anyone who is not a Christian as she defines it…

Ok, you’re probably rolling your eyes and wondering what the hell is going on with these people. I’m like so there with you. But there is one more piece of this that I think strongly affects why their world view is so askew from mine. They will argue (with an absolutely straight faith, and with perfect belief) that the type of persecution that Christians face now is worse than what the early Christians hiding in the catacombs faced, because it is more subtle and more pervasive…

It’s easy to trash this type of belief system, I do it myself as a hobby. However, I think that is also important to understand it. This is what you’re up against. You’re not arguing about the same thing they are arguing about. Maybe there is no way to discuss this rationally with a Fundie — gods know I haven’t found one, yet. I’ve been at it for 23 years, on and off, ever since I left the faith — rather more dramatically than I intended to — at the age if 18. This is what you’re up against, though. Your simple existence constitutes persecution. [emphasis mine.]

In other words, no compromise. If you don’t agree with me, you’re out to get me.

Can I be scared yet?