Author: Glenn Hauman

Lifted in full from the comments section of Nothing Able To Stop Bush’s Sinking Poll Numbers… | The Huffington Post:

PRETTY LADY WITH A “W” STICKER
On the way to work this morning, I saw a mini Toyota pickup truck with a camper shell on the back. On the back window of the camper it had a bunch of “W” stickers pasted. There must have been 12 oval “W” stickers on the back of that truck. I smiled and thought, “Wow, this guy really loves bush”. I then switched lanes and accelerated my powerful F-350 so that I could get a glimpse of this bush lover. Then the stop light in front of us turned red and we both glided to a stop. As I pulled even with the little truck, I could see that it wasn’t a guy after all, but the most beautiful young lady I have ever seen. My heart started beating faster.

I rolled down my window and gave her the “thumbs up” signal. She rolled down her passenger side window and said, “Can I help you?” I then shouted, “I LOVE YOUR W STICKERS!” She smiled. I shouted again, “CALL ME” as I pointed down to the magnetic sign posted to my truck door which has my cell phone listed. She shrugged. I shouted again, “PLEASE CALL ME, I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION”. She nodded this time, but with a confused expression on her face.

After the light changed she drove off very fast and disappeared into the long street. I have to drive slow these days to save gas. I’m being tailgated and honked at, but when I drive this slowly I can improve my gas mileage to nearly 14 miles per gallon, so honk all you want. Then about a minute later my cell phone rings. I answer, “Hello?” and it’s the pretty lady with all the “W” stickers.

PRETTY LADY: Yeah, you wanted to ask me a question.

STILLGOT: Yeah, I noticed that you have quite a few “W” stickers on your camper shell. I was pretty impressed. I mean most people with “W” stickers are old men and old ladies. Your “W” stickers really made me feel good, but my question is why so many? You must have at least 12 stickers.

PRETTY LADY: Oh my gosh… Do you really think I’m a bush lover? No, no you’ve got it all wrong. Haven’t you heard about the new bush protest campaign called “think about bush”? Some guy at my college decided to post a bunch of “W” stickers all over his car. His theory is that most people don’t think enough about bush. He believes that bush’s track record is so bad that the best way to sway public opinion against him is to force people to think about him more often and even when they are waiting at stop lights. Most people now know that a bunch of “W” stickers mean that you’re not happy with bush’s performance as president. I thought everyone knew about that.

STILL GOT: Oh shit. I thought you were one of us. (Long Pause) Ummm… So where did you get all the “W” stickers?

PRETTY LADY: Oh, I found the little “W” ovals on the Internet and I printed them, cut them out with scissors, and then scotch taped them to my back window.

STILL GOT: Hey, that’s pretty creative. You’re a pretty smart girl. How would you like to go to lunch with me? I’ve got coupons for all the fast food places.

PRETTY LADY: No thanks. I don’t eat junk food. I can’t believe you still have your original “W” sticker. The only other original “W” sticker I saw this morning was on a big Lincoln Town car with a little old lady behind the wheel. And that truck you drive is so gigantic. It must cost a fortune to fill it up. You poor silly little man… No wonder you collect coupons for McDonalds. Well, Ok, I’ve got to go…. (CLICK)

The Bible verse for the day for the guy in the White House who claims to be a God-fearing man. Also, while we’re at it, Proverbs 31:8-9 as well.

Where Do Rivals Draw the Line?: What’s the border between Red Sox Nation and the ego that is Steinbrenner?

My question: is this article going to affect real estate prices as people suddenly feel an urge to relocate?

Yes, as of today the war in Iraq has lasted longer for America than our entire European component of World War II, from Pearl Harbor to V-E day.

Well done, George and Dick. FDR and his VP finished up the war against Hitler in that amount of time, and FDR was a Democrat on his deathbed who was working with commies.

On the other hand, at least we’ve avoided having a Vice President suddenly having the most powerful office in the world and using it to drop atomic weapons on opposing countries.

So far.

John Hodgman says I’m the winner!

And the resident expert of The Daily Show wouldn’t make things up just to mess with me…

Quote of the day from an Interview with Robert Anton Wilson:

You go through a museum and you look at a Leonardo, a Botticelli, a Rembrandt, a Van Gogh, a Cezanne, a Picasso, a Klee, a Jackson Pollock, and it’s obvious the value of each of them is that they weren’t copying one another. If Van Gogh were copying Rembrandt nobody would give a damn for Van Gogh. He had the chutzpah to paint his own vision. Somebody having their own vision instead of just repeating an earlier one in a different style — that’s information. Information is the new and unpredictable.

Email… we get email… this is from Ken Levin, comic book consigliere:

From: Ken F. Levin
Subject: (unless you have ever received an email before) THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT EMAIL YOU COULD EVER GET IN THE HISTORY OF EMAILS!

A number of you have asked me to let you know if you can access something I’m working on. (Some of you have instead asked to make sure you are specifically NOT told about things I’m working on, but unfortunately I’ve lost THAT list, so you’re getting this email too). So… here is a head’s up on THE AMAZING SCREW-ON HEAD, which has an interactive component and pilot viewing you could help me on if you are so inclined.

A brief bit of background: My friend Mike Mignola, one of the great comic creators, created this and we took it into animation. As I explained to various tv execs, it’s that old chestnut about the head that screws itself into the appropriate body for his Secret Service job at hand, such as saving Abraham Lincoln from the Nazis. OK, I know it’s been done before but Mike has a special take on it. Most execs looked at me like I must be high (I know that look from some of you, actually), but Mark Stern jumped on it. My friend and producing partner Jason Netter and his Kickstart Productions company did an incredible job with it, including getting David Hyde Pierce and Paul Giametti for the lead voices — you may have seen Paul talking about it on CONAN or THE VIEW Friday, or seen it in the WALL STREET JOURNAL Saturday (I know, I know, THE WALL STREET JOURNAL??). The reviews, like from AIN’T IT COOL NEWS, have been embarrassingly over the top (ummm, I’m not really THAT embarrassed); NBCU (which owns SciFi Channel) asked us if they could use it as the first show they are allowing people to see in full on the internet before its pilot airing. The pilot is TOMORROW on SciFi Channel at 10:30pm, or 9:30pm, or 4am after the Farm Report, wherever your local broadcaster has slotted it. You can watch it in full by going to WWW.SCIFI.COM/PULSE (but only if you’ll vote afterwards; “vote” means saying “OH MY GOD! It’s the greatest thing that’s ever been on tv in the history of tv, dude!” in case there’s confusion about voting).* Voting, but especially watching the pilot, would be of great help, in case there’s any confusion there, too; alerting all your friends and acquaintances would also be much appreciated. And if you do, I promise that Paul Giametti or David Hyde Pierce will come to your house and thank you personally. We’re just having a little problem with the scheduling.

Thanks as always

Best,
-Ken

*You can tell by how he treats voting that Ken’s from Chicago.

Most people know to be careful driving at the end of the month because cops have quotas to fill. Well, as it turns out, so do the airplane cops, and what they can do to you is much worse than a speeding ticket:

TheDenverChannel.com – News – Marshals: Innocent People Placed On ‘Watch List’ To Meet Quota:

DENVER — You could be on a secret government database or watch list for simply taking a picture on an airplane. Some federal air marshals say they’re reporting your actions to meet a quota, even though some top officials deny it.

The air marshals, whose identities are being concealed, told 7NEWS that they’re required to submit at least one report a month. If they don’t, there’s no raise, no bonus, no awards and no special assignments.

“Innocent passengers are being entered into an international intelligence database as suspicious persons, acting in a suspicious manner on an aircraft … and they did nothing wrong,” said one federal air marshal.

These unknowing passengers who are doing nothing wrong are landing in a secret government document called a Surveillance Detection Report, or SDR. Air marshals told 7NEWS that managers in Las Vegas created and continue to maintain this potentially dangerous quota system.

“Do these reports have real life impacts on the people who are identified as potential terrorists?” 7NEWS Investigator Tony Kovaleski asked.

“Absolutely,” a federal air marshal replied.

7NEWS obtained an internal Homeland Security document defining an SDR as a report designed to identify terrorist surveillance activity.

“When you see a decision like this, for these reports, who loses here?” Kovaleski asked.

“The people we’re supposed to protect — the American public,” an air marshal said.

What kind of impact would it have for a flying individual to be named in an SDR?

“That could have serious impact … They could be placed on a watch list. They could wind up on databases that identify them as potential terrorists or a threat to an aircraft. It could be very serious,” said Don Strange, a former agent in charge of air marshals in Atlanta. He lost his job attempting to change policies inside the agency.

That’s why several air marshals object to a July 2004 memo from top management in the Las Vegas office, a memo that reminded air marshals of the SDR requirement.

The body of the memo said, “Each federal air marshal is now expected to generate at least one SDR per month.”

“Does that memo read to you that Federal Air Marshal headquarters has set a quota on these reports?” Kovaleski asked.

“Absolutely, no doubt,” an air marshal replied.

A second management memo, also dated July 2004, said, “There may come an occasion when you just don’t see anything out of the ordinary for a month at a time, but I’m sure that if you are looking for it, you’ll see something.” (Emphasis mine.)

PBS Kids’ Show Host Fired for Video:

The PBS Kids Sprout network has fired the host of “The Good Night Show” after learning she had appeared in videos called “Technical Virgin.”

The host, Melanie Martinez, had alerted network officials about one of the videos late last week and she was immediately taken off the air.

“PBS Kids Sprout has determined that the dialogue in this video is inappropriate for her role as a preschool program host and may undermine her character’s credibility with our audience,” said Sandy Wax, network president.

Airing for three hours each evening, “The Good Night Show” airs soothing stories and cartoons designed to get an audience of 2-to-5-year-olds ready for bed. Each night, Martinez guides a puppet character into dreamland. Martinez is a stage actress and mother of a toddler.

In the two “Technical Virgin” videos — made before she landed the children’s show job — she spoofs PSAs about how young women can keep their virginity.

PBS Kids Sprout airs children’s programming 24 hours a day and is seen in about 20 million of the nation’s 110 million television homes. “The Good Night Show” has been temporarily replaced by cartoons while a search is conducted for a new host.

Okay. Here’s the deal.

She did the videos for a website called technicalvirgin.com. The videos were done in 1999 or so in my house and neighborhood, have been off the web for a few years at this point, and the site itself has gone vanilla over the last few days, lest the server load keep Astoria without power for another week.

However, a few people decided to keep a copy and when sites like YouTube and Google Video came to be, they got re-posted. At least one radio station decided to claim it as their own– yes, you, Rock103, you thieving Clear Channel bastards.

So she got canned.

Big deal, right? She should have known better? Except PBS never gave any such grief to George Carlin, world famous for his list of Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television, when he played Mr. Conductor on “Shining Time Station” on PBS. Heck, the man gets hired by Disney.

And speaking of Disney, let’s talk about Robin Williams, the Genie. Or Eddie Murphy, the donkey. Or Chris Rock in Madagascar and Everybody Hates Chris. Or Bob Saget. Or Ewan MacGregor (how many films has he done in the nude? We can’t let kids watch Star Wars!)

Good grief.

PBS, give Melanie her job back. Before she goes off and becomes this generation’s Morgan Freeman.

UPDATE: Here’s a petition to help her get her job back. Go.

Seen on Yahoo Entertainment news:

David Craig Gets Second Film as 007 AP – Fri Jul 21, 3:43 PM ET

Just a way of keeping you in your place. You’re lucky we didn’t make you 008, Danny Boy.