Thirty months today

Have you forgotten?

Or have you been distracted?

Lord knows, there are some legitimate distractions out there. Maybe you’re one of the millions out of work and trying to make ends meet. Or maybe you have a child in the military, and you’ve been worried about him being killed in a war that had nothing to do with 9/11. Or you’re working to make sure you child isn’t left behind after education funding cuts. Or you’ve just plain gone bankrupt after investing in Enron and Worldcom. In that case, I’ll give you a pass.

But if you’ve been distracted by the spectre of gay marriage, or the Bennifer breakup, or the Passion, or just about anything to do with Paris Hilton, or the final Left Behind book– then I’m sorry, but you’ve been played. Taken for a mark.

Don’t let them get away with distracting you. Here’s a reminder of The Toll we’ve taken while you were looking the other way.

Negative agenda

Kerry Calls Opponents ‘Crooked,’ ‘Lying’

Sen. John F. Kerry, the presumed Democratic presidential candidate, used his harshest language yet to describe his Republican opponents, accusing them today of corrupt and deceitful behavior.

Kerry’s comments came during a stop at a sheet metal plant in Chicago as he shook hands with workers. “Tell it like it is,” a man at the Hill Mechanical Group told him. “Keep smiling.”

“Oh yeah, don’t worry, man,” the senator from Massachusetts responded. “We’re going to keep pounding, let me tell you. We’re just beginning to fight here.

“These guys are the most crooked, you know, lying group I’ve ever seen,” Kerry added. “It’s scary.”

The Bush campaign denounced Kerry’s remarks as angry rhetoric.

“At every turn, John Kerry has claimed to be the victim of an imaginary smear machine,” Bush campaign spokesman Steve Schmidt said. “Today, John Kerry made a comment that showed his true colors: a relentlessly negative campaign that is negative and pessimistic and offers no positive plan or agenda.”

Kerry has a very positive plan and agenda. It starts with getting rid of the idiot who’s in the Oval Office now.

Signs of spring

Everybody has them. For some, it’s birds; others, opening day at Shea; still others, the swimsuit issue.

For me, it’s getting the new Spenser novel.

Robert B. Parker was at the Lincoln Center Barnes Noble last night, doing QA and the like. If you’ve never heard him, well, just assume that he has the same speaking patterns as Spenser and you’re on the right track.

He commented about his mysteries, saying that they really weren’t very hard (which they aren’t) and noting that if they were, the children’s section was over there. I asked him about that, noting that his stories aren’t so much “whodunits” as “whatthehelldowedoaboutits” and is it the ethical dilemmas that drive his writing.

His reply? “I don’t know. Couldn’t tell you.” In that, he’s a lot like Spenser himself– he just moves forward until there’s a resolution.

He also said he doesn’t care that “you got A-Rod”, in the practiced tone of resignation that only a Red Sox fan can have. Then he saluted us with a Bronx cheer.

What the world needs more of

In reply to a homophobic rant on Star Trek, I came across this. I love the concept, but man– don’t I have enough paperwork to ignore?


Zang Industries Inc. Standardized Idiot Response Form #334225-R

Dear:
[ ] Idiot [ ] 3L33T D00D [ ] Spammer
[X] Loser [ ] Religious Nut [ ] Clueless Newbie
[ ] Whiner [ ] Kook [ ] Pre-teen
[X] Asshole [ ] Yuppie [ ] Marketroid
[ ] Management Baboon [ ] Racist [X] Other: _Homophobic Bigot_

I took exception to your recent
[X] post/spam to _rec.arts.startrek.current_
[ ] email.

It was (check all that apply):
[X] lame.
[X] stupid.
[X] ignorant.
[ ] much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you
may be capable.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
[ ] You started a long, stupid thread
[ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread
[ ] You crossposted a long, stupid thread
[ ] You are the subject of a long, stupid thread
[X] What you posted has been done before.
[X] Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
[ ] You made a ridiculously off topic post to a newsgroup.
[ ] You made a ridiculously off topic post to numerous news groups.
[X] Your post, though on-topic, lacked even the coherency of a chimp
banging randomly on a keyboard.
[ ] You broke Godwin's Law (USENET RULE #6) by invoking Hitler or
the Nazi's
[ ] But you failed to acknowledge the subsequent death of
the thread.
[ ] You obviously don't know how to read your newsgroups line.
[ ] You self-rightously impose your religious beliefs on others.
[ ] You posted asking for Warez sites.
[ ] You posted a "Check out my Web Page" article.
[ ] Off-topic.
[ ] And it sucked.
[ ] Your post originated from ix.netcom.com
[ ] Your post originated from compuserve.com
[ ] Your post originated from aol.com/aol.net.
[ ] Your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS,
Notesfile or echo.
[ ] Your post contained commercial advertising.
[ ] The advertising was for a web page.
[ ] The advertisemet was for MAKE.MONEY.FAST
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please send money order immediately to:
Usenet News Network Security & Standards Patrol
PO Box 33486
Bueno Punte, Brazil 44504-5565
or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
[X] Your post contained spelling errors.
[X] Your post contained grammatical errors.
[ ] Your post made use of eLiTe CaPiTaLiZaTiOn, which you think is
cool.
[ ] You posted SCREAMING in RANDOM CAPS for NO APPARENT REASON.
[X] Your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
[ ] Your margin settings (or lack of) make your post unreadable.
[ ] Your post contained the word(s)/phrase(s):
(Check all that apply)
[ ] Surf the Net
[ ] Surf the Web
[ ] Hacker
[ ] Warez
[ ] Cyber_______ (insert suffix here)
[ ] Information Superhighway
[ ] \C\a\b\a\l
[ ] You posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
[ ] Your post was an obvious forgery.
[ ] It was done clumsily.
[ ] And was easily traceable.
[X] You have a lame login name.
[ ] Your machine has a stupid name.
[ ] You quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
[ ] You followed-up with only "Me, too!!!" added.
[ ] you also quoted the entire original message.
[ ] You predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
[ ] You asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group".
[ ] You flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
[ ] You flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
[ ] You failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
[ ] And it included misc.test
[ ] Your .sig is ridiculous because
[ ] You write it by hand every time.
[ ] Your .sig is longer than 6 lines.
[ ] And your newsreader truncated it.
[ ] You listed ___ snail mail address(es).
[ ] You listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in
prank calls.
[ ] It was listed twice because of your inability to configure
your newsreader.
[ ] You included a stupid disclaimer.
[ ] your pathetic attempt at being witty in the
disclaimer failed.
[ ] Miserably.
[ ] your .sig should make your company disclaim YOU.
[ ] You included:
(Mark all that apply)
[ ] a Bible quote
[ ] more than one
[ ] a stupid self-quote.
[ ] a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
[ ] any reference to any TV talk show host.
[ ] a set of instructions for something as stupid as
your post.
[ ] any reference to Team OS/2 or Win9x
[ ] lame ASCII graphics.
[ ] Your USENET posting/email contained HTML tags.
[ ] And you think this makes you cool.
[ ] And they were incorrect.
[X] You have offended the Dark Lord Satan.
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally
worthless that you are being flamed anyway.
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